Loving Rebuke

Recently, I’ve been having a lot of conversations with my friends about doubt. In many ways, doubt is the opposite of faith. Faith is believing without seeing. Doubt is rooted in uncertainty. This year, I’ve struggled more with doubt than I ever have. I’ve found myself doubting God’s character at times. Wondering if everything in His word is true and if He really is who I’ve believed Him to be for so long. When I don’t see Him or feel Him the way I used to, I wonder if He’s still there. Sometimes (as much as I hate to admit it) I wonder if He was ever there at all. After talking to my community, I realized they were struggling with the same doubts and questions. I realized that the enemy is coming after God’s children with “what if” statements, designed to make us doubt God’s trustworthiness. When I get stuck in this thought pattern, I get so mad at myself. I know God is good. I’ve seen what He can do. He’s proven His character to me time and time again. So, why do I doubt Him? Is He disappointed in me because my faith isn’t as strong as it once was? As I asked myself these questions, I was reminded of John 20. This is the chapter where Jesus begins revealing Himself to His disciples after His resurrection. When He reveals Himself to the disciples, Thomas isn’t present. His friends come to him, testifying of what they saw: the risen Messiah. Thomas (who has been nicknamed doubting Thomas, rightfully so) says this: 

“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand to his side, I will not believe.” - John 20:25

Here, we see that Thomas is uncertain. He doesn’t have enough faith to take his friends at their word. He has to see it himself. He’s saying, “Jesus, if you’re really here, come and show me.” I’m a lot like Thomas sometimes. I need to see the proof of Jesus before I can fully believe Him. What Jesus does for Thomas is one of my favorite things in the entire bible. He shows up. Here’s the story:

“A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘peace be with you!’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’ Thomas said to him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Then Jesus told him, ‘because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed.’” - John 20:26-29

That story makes me cry every time because it shows so much of Jesus’ marvelous character. He knew Thomas was doubting. He didn’t believe his friends’ testimony. Jesus could have been angry, punished him, never revealed Himself to him; the list goes on. But He chose to show up. He showed up for Thomas. The other disciples had already seen Him. Jesus came for the one. The one who was doubting. He came and He said, “Thomas look! Here I am. Here’s my scars, you can feel them if you want.” He commands him to stop doubting and believe. Then, Jesus says something that has always stuck with me. He tells Thomas that those who believe without seeing are blessed. Thomas had to see to believe. Jesus knew that, which is why He came, but He didn’t leave without challenging Thomas. He reminded Thomas that faith is valuable. He challenged him to use this experience as a reminder to believe, even if he didn’t see. This shows us exactly how Jesus feels about our doubt. He’s not pleased with it, and He certainly doesn’t want us to sit in it, but He has abundant grace and compassion for us. He’ll do whatever it takes to squash our doubts. Jesus came and did something beautiful for Thomas, but He still called him up and told him to do better. Jesus rebuked him, but it was wrapped in love. I believe that’s how He’s meeting us today. He’s meeting us in our doubt, giving us a reason to trust Him, and challenging us to remember His character the next time doubt creeps back in. When we’re following Jesus, doubt is always going to try to rear its ugly head. But we can rest easy knowing that Jesus shows up when we’re doubting and loves us just the same. He’s just that good.